Feeling Stuck After Kids? How to Use a “Curiosity Compass” to Find Your Way Forward
If the question “What’s next for me?” feels more paralyzing than exciting, you’re not lacking ambition. You’re likely facing two invisible barriers: the fear of choosing wrong, and a nervous system that’s too depleted to even imagine a new path.
As a clinical psychologist and coach, I see this daily with mothers transitioning out of the all-consuming years of hands-on parenting. You have the desire for something more, but the map is blank. The good news? You don’t need the whole map. You just need a reliable compass.
This is where the Curiosity Compass comes in. It’s not about a dramatic career pivot. It’s a low-risk, high-reward operating system for exploring your post-motherhood identity and interests without burning down the life you’ve built. This guide will give you the framework, the tools for when you feel flat, and a simple plan to start moving from stuck to strategically curious.
Part 1: The “Prototype, Not Pivot” Mindset
Forget the pressure to find your one true passion. That’s a recipe for paralysis. Instead, adopt the mindset of a scientist or a cartographer.
Your role is not to discover a lost city in one leap. It’s to sketch the coastline of a new continent, one small, safe bay at a time. Each foray is a Curiosity Experiment—a scouting mission for data, not a declaration of destiny. The goal is learning, not legacy-building. This mindset alone removes the terrifying weight of a "wrong choice."
Part 2: The 4-Step Curiosity Experiment Framework
This framework turns a vague spark into actionable, risk-free learning. Use it with any interest from your Identity Snapshot.
1. Identify a Micro-Curiosity.
Look at your Identity Snapshot. Pick one spark. Not “become a writer,” but “I used to enjoy writing.” Not “launch a non-profit,” but “I’m drawn to helping my local community.” The smaller and more specific, the better.
2. Design a “Minimum Viable Experience” (MVE).
Ask: What is the smallest, cheapest, fastest way to taste this? We’re talking under two hours and under $20.
For “writing”: “I will write one 500-word blog post, just for me, in the next two weeks.”
For “community help”: “I will have one 30-minute coffee with someone who volunteers locally and ask them three questions.”
For “creative making”: “I will follow one beginner’s YouTube tutorial to complete a small craft project.”
For “learning”: “I will listen to one podcast episode on the topic and jot down three takeaways.”
The MVE should feel embarrassingly easy. That’s the point.
3. Define the Learning Goal (Not the Outcome Goal).
Your goal is not to succeed, but to discover. Write this down: “My goal is to learn…”
“…if I enjoy the solitary process of writing.”
“…what it actually feels like to be in that volunteering environment.”
“…if working with my hands is frustrating or meditative for me.”
This reframe makes it impossible to fail. Any data—even “I hated it”—is a win.
4. Run It & Reflect with Neutrality.
Do the tiny thing. Then, immediately after, ask yourself:
Energy: Did my energy go up (play), down (drain), or stay flat (work)?
Activity: What did I learn about the activity itself? (More/less tedious, complex, engaging than expected?)
Self: What did I learn about myself? (Do I like solitude/collaboration? Am I a starter or a finisher?)
Real-World Example: Alison, The Family Historian
Alison’s spark was preserving family stories. Her MVE was interviewing her aunt and making a digital collage. She loved the stories but hated the tech work.
The Data: YES to connecting and curating narrative. NO to complex digital execution.
Her Pivot: A beautiful handwritten journal. This later evolved, with her niece’s help, into a photo book for the entire family. The experiment didn’t fail; it evolved into a perfect, sustainable, and deeply meaningful fit.
Part 3: What If You Feel Too Flat to Even Experiment?
If the idea of a micro-experiment feels like a mountain, your nervous system may be in a state of depletion or grief. This is normal. Here, we curate curiosity before we can follow it.
Strategy 1: The "Interest & Energy" Audit.
For three days, your only job is to notice. Carry a notepad. Capture one tiny thing daily that causes a micro-flicker of attention—a +0.5 on a scale of -10 to +10. The colour of a wall, a snippet of a podcast, the smell of rain. Write it down. You’re not judging, just collecting data on what your brain quietly responds to.
Strategy 2: The "Dopamine Menu." (Inspired by Dr. Andrew Huberman)
Your brain’s reward system needs gentle, healthy stimulation. Create a personal menu with different ‘courses’:
Appetizers (1-5 mins): Step into direct sunlight, smell coffee beans, do three big stretches, hum a song.
Main Courses (30+ mins): A proper workout, losing yourself in a book, a creative hobby session.
Sides (Pairing): Listen to a great podcast while folding laundry (making maintenance palatable).
Desserts (Mindful Indulgence): Social media, TV. Enjoy consciously, but don’t let them become the only meal.
Commit to choosing one intentional item from this menu daily. You are running a physiological experiment: “When I do X, what happens in my body?”
Strategy 3: Borrow Curiosity.
When your own well is dry, borrow from others.
Text a friend: “What’s the most interesting thing you’ve read or seen this week?”
Go to a museum/gallery and ask one question about one piece: “What’s the story here?”
Watch a documentary with the goal of finding one fact that makes you think “Huh.”
Part 4: The Essential Foundations: Honour Grief & Health
Acknowledging the Transition Grief
For mothers whose children have left home, grief is the unspoken weight. The loss of the hands-on mothering role is profound and often disenfranchised—there’s no ceremony for it. Giving that grief space is not wallowing. It’s draining the swamp so solid ground can emerge.
Try this: “It makes sense I feel ______ (sad, lost, flat) because I miss ______ (the daily chaos, being the go-to person, the physical closeness).” Say it or write it. Name it to tame it. This allows your curiosity to emerge respectfully from a place of honour, not avoidance.
The Non-Negotiable Health Check
What looks like a lack of motivation can be a thyroid imbalance or perimenopausal hormonal shifts. Symptoms like crushing fatigue, brain fog, and low mood need a medical ruling-out.
Your action step: Book a GP appointment. Ask for a check of thyroid (TSH, T4), iron studies (ferritin), Vitamin D, B12, and a basic hormone panel (FSH, Estradiol). This isn’t a detour; it’s the essential foundation for all future building. You cannot architect a vibrant next chapter on a depleted physiological foundation.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Q: How is this different from just “finding your passion”?
A: “Finding your passion” implies it’s a hidden, static thing you must discover. The Curiosity Compass is about cultivating interest through action. It’s a dynamic process of learning what energises you through tiny experiments, taking the pressure off needing to “find the one right thing.”
Q: What if I have too many sparks and can’t choose one for an MVE?
A: This is common! It signals abundance, not a problem. Use the “Which one feels lightest?” filter. Don’t over-analyze. The spark that feels the least daunting or most intriguing to start is the perfect one. Remember, you’re just testing, not marrying it.
Q: How long should a Curiosity Experiment last?
A: The active "doing" phase of the MVE should be very short (1-2 hours max). The entire cycle—from design to reflection—can be wrapped up in a week or two. The idea is to create a fast feedback loop, not a long-term project.
Q: Can I do this if I still have young kids at home?
A: Absolutely. This framework is perfect for that stage. An MVE is designed to be tiny and fit into naptimes, pockets of the day, or with simple partner coverage (e.g., “I need 45 quiet minutes on Saturday morning”). It teaches you how to carve out and protect micro-moments for your own development.
Q: What’s the difference between the grief I’m feeling and depression?
A: Grief is a natural, adaptive response to a real loss (like the end of the intensive parenting chapter). It comes in waves, often with moments of bittersweet memory or warmth. Clinical depression is often more persistent, characterised by a loss of interest in almost all activities, profound hopelessness, and may include changes in sleep/appetite unrelated to circumstance. If your low mood is constant, debilitating, and accompanied by thoughts of worthlessness, please seek support from your GP or a psychologist. Grief deserves space; depression deserves treatment.
Your First Week with The Curiosity Compass: A Simple Plan
Day 1-3: The Audit & Menu.
Start your 3-Day Interest & Energy Audit. Just notice and jot down one flicker per day.
Create your Dopamine Menu. Write it down somewhere visible.
Day 4: Choose & Design.
Look at your Audit notes and your Identity Snapshot. Pick one micro-curiosity.
Design your MVE using Step 2. Keep it laughably small.
Day 5: Set Your Learning Goal.
Write down your Learning Goal (Step 3). Phrase it as “I want to discover if…”
Day 6-7: Execute & Reflect.
Run your MVE. Protect the time like a sacred appointment.
Immediately after, do your 3-question reflection (Energy, Activity, Self).
By Day 7, you will have moved from thinking about being stuck to having concrete data about what moves you. That is profound progress.
Ready to move from insight to action with guided support? This blog post is based on Episode 9: The Curiosity Compass of The Strategic Transformation Podcast. [Listen to the full episode here] for the complete framework, deeper case studies, and compassionate guidance.
For mothers ready to build their next chapter in a supported community, this is the foundational work we do in The Legacy System. [Learn more about the program and join the waitlist here].
Connect with Rosie:
Website: https://www.strategictransformation.com.au/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strategic.transformation/
The Strategic Transformation Podcast: [Apple Podcasts] | [Spotify] | [YouTube]
DISCLAIMER:
The content shared here is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your own qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition.